March 17, 2016

If I have to do maths to prove I’m human then I’m totally screwed.

So I was logging into my blog and it asked me to prove my humanity by answering a math problem.

Since when do we have to do math to “prove our humanity”?

I happen to know for a fact that a lot of real live humans cannot math.

What happened to the good old days of deciphering nonsensical number/word combinations that seemed as if they were melting in some kind of warpy, tie-dyed, smoke cloud?

That crap totally sucked ass and I often got it wrong on the first try, but at least it wasn’t math!

And yes, the math that my blog gave me was the simple problem of 5+1.


But who’s to say what it’s gonna ask me in a month?

Or a year?

It could be some kind of Good Will Hunting BS and then BAM I’m forever locked out of the internets for being nonhuman.

And by “nonhuman” are they saying that they think I might be an animal or a bigfoot?

Maybe a ghost or a zombie?

Or are they talking robots and crap like that?

Because these things USED to say “Prove you’re not a robot” didn’t they?

But aren’t robots basically creepy computers with weird faces?

And aren’t computers “nonhuman” thereby making robots nonhuman too?

And aren’t computers often programmed to do all kinds of maths and stuff?

I mean, I saw that movie with Benedict Cummerbun where he basically invented the computer to do math/decoding things that ended up changing the entire course of the second world war and leading to the defeat of the Nazis. So yeah, I’m pretty sure that a computer can math.

And if robots are computers then technically couldn’t a robot answer a math question?

Unless maybe it’s one of those sex robots or whatever freaky shit they’re building in China now. I don’t think you need maths to perform robot blow jobs.

But what do I know? I might not even be human!

What I’m trying to say is that being “nonhuman” doesn’t automatically mean that you can’t do math, right?

And I don’t think that being human automatically means that you can.

Because as far as I know I’m a human who seriously sucks at math. BUT if I punch some math shit into my computer my computer totally knows what’s up.

So although robots may officially be nonhuman they still probably have a better chance at correctly answering math questions than I (a supposed human) do.

For that matter, so do animals, bigfoots, zombies, and ghosts.

Especially ghosts.

Because the ghost in question could totally be someone mathy like that dude that invented the computer. Or Einstein.



After all of that I didn’t even want to log into my blog on principle.

We must take a stand against forced mathing!

But I had all of these thoughts and I wanted to run them by you, so I did it.

I did the math.

But if someday soon I disappear off the internets you’ll know why.

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7 Responses to “If I have to do maths to prove I’m human then I’m totally screwed.”

  1. Christina Said:

    I’m so glad I didn’t have to do math to leave a comment. Because I also suck at math. I always wonder who makes up these ” prove your a human questions.”

  2. Michele Said:

    I am just about passing 5th grade kid is in that now and I am barely able to help. ha
    I keep telling her that in my over 25 years out of school I have never needed math that I didn’t have a calculator to help me with. Now a days every kid has a phone and a calculator at their fingertips or voice command. So why learn? Humans do not do Math!

  3. Ivy Said:

    Or when it pops up with a bizarre picture and says ‘type these two words’ but all you see is numbers and pictures and you’re like “Alright, clearly I am no longer human since this makes zero sense.”

  4. CinDeeLuhu Said:

    What’s your Twitter name, yo?

  5. Mari Said:

    I just was asked this kind of thing the other day – only it was written out – thirteen + eighteen…. and I consider myself good in math, but that was hard 😀

  6. UNP-17 Said:

    I am not human, I am more insulted that I have to say I am human then anything. Why don’t you like bots huh?! Is it prejudice what did we ever so to you? I am a bot. I like being a not, why should I have to say I am even like you, also yeah sorta stupid. You should make them play a key or something, at least it makes some sense right?

  7. Augustus Said:

    Laughs…. I believe the math on your login is for security purpose to protect your website from some hacker or something. But this post really worth the time spent reading it. Thanks for sharing.

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