September 24, 2013

Let dad bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan and get bitched at for getting it too crispy then deal with the whining about how he needs to “Make the bacon soft like nana does” which he can’t cuz he’s all outta bacon, then listen to the snotty cries to “Get some more at the store!” and lose his damn mind while you are out partying with hot chicks like me. Okay?

So earlier this year I was lucky enough to be featured in a book called I Just Want To Pee Alone, and ever since then, my life has been a whirlwind. Yeah, there’s been lots of media attention and book signings and all of that amazing stuff, but the most awesome thing is that I’ve met so many cool women. There are stories from 37 women in this book and we have had a great time getting to know each other. I am about 99% sure that 99% of them think that I’m a hot mess and pray for me nightly, but that’s ok. I AM a hot mess, and I’m totally okay with it.

One reason this book became such a big hit is because, duh, EVERY MOM ON THE PLANET WANTS TO FREAKING PEE ALONE. I mean, holy hell. Actually, most of you non-moms out there know this too, because even before we have kids our husbands are always deciding that the best time to ask us where the hell something is is when we are on the damn toilet. The Hub can ignore me all damn day then the moment my butt touches my thinking spot BOOM there he is wanting to know where we keep something ridiculously easy to find:

Knock! Knock! Knock! KNOCK! KNOCK!

“WTF?”

“Where do we keep the pickles?”

“Ummm….duh….in the fridge, ding dong.”

“But I didn’t see them in there!” 

“Look for the jar with the green things floating in it. It says P-I-C-K-L-E-S  on the front. It has a lid. There is liquid in it. It’s cold.”

“I still don’t see them.”

“You’re about to see my fist in your pie hole if you interrupt my poop process again. When you talk it crawls back up! If I get constipated because of your need for zesty dill spears I’m going to purposely lose all of your tools and hide the remote. Maybe I’ll hide it NEAR THE PICKLES.”

Then when you have kids, you can forget about ever peeing, pooping, sleeping, eating, doing anything alone ever EVER again.

And these are all the reasons that the authors of the book are hosting “I Just Want To Pee Alone” nights all over the country. I think we have something like 17 cities doing it so far. I could find out the actual total for sure if I bothered to count but I hate counting so lets just go with 17. Myself along with RachRiot and Kelley’s Breakroom are hosting one here in Houston at Blackfinn American Grille. If you want to come all you have to do is click here  and let us know you’re going so we can get a head count. It’s just a night to get outta the house and let your husband or your kids cook dinner (Or starve. Not. Your. Problem.) while you get your drink on and eat some delicious food that somebody else cooks for YOU. You can also meet a crapload of cool chicks from your area and maybe make a new bestie or a new enemy or whatever. Who cares? You will have a drink in your hand and nobody will be bugging you while you pee. Well, unless you guys are hogging all the stalls in which case I will be bugging the holy hell outta you because my bladder always means business when it’s go time.

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If your not in Houston, no big deal. Check out the Pee Alone event page to find a city near you that you can get to. Or, if you really loved me, you’d road trip your ass to Houston. I mean, seriously. Put some effort into it FOR ME. God. Lazy a-holes. I really wanna meet you and let you buy me drinks. Seriously. You + Me = MAGICS AND WONDERMENT. Don’t leave us sitting there all alone like a bunch-o-losers. GO TO THERE. Tell your family to suck it, bring your friends, bring a fistfull of ones to shove in my bra when I start twerking, and have some fun.

Here are the Houston details:

Who: Hosts~ Insane In The Mom-Brain (that’s me!), RachRiot and Kelley’s Breakroom blog
When: Wednesday, Oct. 16, 2013 6pm-10pm
Where: BlackFinn American Grille
1910 Bagby Street, Houston, TX 77002
713-651-9550
http://www.houston.blackfinnamericangrille.com
CLICK HERE FOR RSVP PAGE

I can’t wait to see you there. And if you’re NOT there just know this: We will ALL be talking about you. We might even crank call you. Yeah. We are THAT badass.

–Special thanks to Jen of People I Want To Punch In The Throat for getting our entire book together and for organizing this night out. You rock.–

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One Response to “Let dad bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan and get bitched at for getting it too crispy then deal with the whining about how he needs to “Make the bacon soft like nana does” which he can’t cuz he’s all outta bacon, then listen to the snotty cries to “Get some more at the store!” and lose his damn mind while you are out partying with hot chicks like me. Okay?”

  1. Mette Said:

    Would love to come and have fun with you, but it’s quite a trip from Denmark 😉

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