July 12, 2013

When you foster a dead squirrel you need to make sure that his adoptive mother is going to be down with an open adoption. Because when you foster a dead squirrel, it’s totally hard not to bond with him big time.

While on my road trip a couple of weeks ago, I found this squirrel at a flea market (you can read a bit more about that HERE):


I named him Rufus Paddlewell and I wanted him badder than bad. But alas, I am hitched to a man who thinks that spending $150.00 on a dead squirrel in a canoe is totally ridiculous. I am hitched to a man who still showers with bar soap and saves that bar soap until only one paper thin shard remains, and then fuses that paper thin shard onto the new bar of soap like some unwelcome , mountain fresh, Siamese twin. I am hitched to the Zest-ese Twin Man and there ain’t no way no how that he’s gonna understand it when I say that a very pricey dead squirrel in a canoe NEEDS me to be his mom. Not. Gonna. Happen. So I helped one of my readers (Tammy) buy him over the phone, and then brought him on a road trip home to Texas, where (strangely enough) she also lives.

Yesterday I FINALLY met up with her. I sorta had to. After she paid for Rufus over the phone, she called me to talk about his journey home to her. I answered my phone, but told her that I had no idea who she was or what she was talking about. Since we had just spoken only moments before, while I haggled the price down for her, she didn’t fall for it, and I knew I had to give him up in a couple of weeks. But in those 2 weeks that we travelled together, we bonded. So when I met up with Tammy  yesterday, I knew that I needed to have SOMETHING to remember him by and commemorate the occasion of his adoption. So THIS happened:

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And although I no longer have Rufus, I KNOW that he is in good hands with Tammy. This was my test. My test to see what kind of dead squirrel in a canoe kinda mother she was gonna be. And I think she’s gonna be just fine.

(I want to thank the photographer at Target Portrait Studio for being so awesome. Eventually. When I first got there she said “Your appointment says 2 adults?” and I said “Yes. It will be me, some woman I’ve never met before, and this dead squirrel.” She looked at me like I was nuts, for some reason. And when Tammy arrived I told her “This always happens. Give her 5 minutes of the photo session and she will be totally into it.” And she was.)

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9 Responses to “When you foster a dead squirrel you need to make sure that his adoptive mother is going to be down with an open adoption. Because when you foster a dead squirrel, it’s totally hard not to bond with him big time.”

  1. Angela Said:

    From the moment that I started reading your blog, I just knew you were a Missouri girl! Love it.

  2. Martha Willis Said:

    Now those are some world class Christmas card photos if I ever saw any. i knew she had to be epic to buy a stuffed squirrel in a canoe and I was not disappointed.

  3. Jill P Said:

    OMG!OMG!OMG! I think I love you to infinity now…….

  4. Robert O'Daniel Said:

    Yes! I have a soul mate and he is your mate. I, too, shower with bar soap and bond the wafer thin remains to a new bar. Suzanne thinks I’ve gone way past O.C.D. with this; she thinks I’m C.D.O., it means the same thing but it’s in correct alphabetical order. Hope you enjoy the squirrel, I feed the live ones in the back yard.

  5. Patti Said:

    I’ll tell him!

  6. Feldmama Said:

    Please. Let me know if you are in the market for a new best friend. I’m willing to submit my resume. Except I don’t have one, because I’m a homemaker. So … basically, I am a crazy person with little kids who likes to swear and drink. After noon, obvs.

  7. Cheryl Ammeter Said:

    Hey, there!

    I just stumbled across this article linked to a blog about Sarah Palin. What are the odds that Sarah Palin would lead me to a dead squirrel?! Oh . . . actually they’re pretty high there. Anyway, I am a kindred spirit. A corn fed Iowa farm girl (actually a Dairy Princess and alternate Pork Queen. I know. Wow.) from a family that pulled all kinds of hijinks of this nature. One of our favorites was fostering Mr. Bones, a Halloween skeleton air freshener. You don’t come across those ofter, so they are most desirable adoptees! Our dear little man went from Iowa to Arizona to Texas to California and finally took up retirement in a spiffy little coffin at my mother’s home in Cedar Rapids. Who retires to Iowa? Skeletons. They like the cold. So happy to make your acquaintance and bookmark your blog!

  8. Mom Rants and Comfy Pants Said:

    OMG, I love how you both dressed for the occasion. I would have loved to see the expression on the photographer’s face!! That dead squirrel doesn’t know how good he has it!!

  9. Cara Lyn Erickson Said:

    Hahaha! OMG! You did NOT get these taken at Target?!?! Please tell me that’s a joke. That’s the funniest part!

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