April 30, 2013

I get the chance to look like an idiot on tv again. Thank you, Universe.


Exciting News! The three blogging amigos from Houston, TX are going to be on a talk show called Great Day Houston. The show is a fixture here in Houston and we are super excited. GDH is a talk show on CBS and get this: It’s LIVE. So….yeah….there’s that. So maybe I shouldn’t do a weird Karate Kid kick that shows way too much of my in-between on this show like I did on Fox News because unlike Fox News it can’t be edited out. Or perhaps I should TOTALLY do a weird Karate Kid kick that shows way too much of my in-between on this show like I did on Fox News because it can’t be edited out. There are big decisions to be made, you guys. And I’m really crappy at making decisions. Not because I can’t decide which decision to make, but because I totally forget what the decision choices are and just end up having no choice but to not make any and seeing where the heck fate takes me.

That’s just how I roll.

So maybe I’ll do something embarrassing or idiotic and maybe I won’t. I’m just gonna go with the flow. But at least I won’t make the Cindy Brady face this time because The Cat won’t be there threatening to face rape me. But with my luck the show will have scheduled some kind of wild animal segment after ours and something even more vicious, like a cranky lemur or a flying squirrel will face rape me instead.

We are going on the show to chat about the book I Just Want To Pee Alone. I am hoping they will also do a segment on menstrual cramps because since I may be having them next Friday I could totally give a real time account of the pain and suffering that menses inflicts. THAT, my friends, would be must see tv.

And GUESS WHAT? You can get tickets to be in the audience! Just call 713-533-5294 or email them at greatdayhouston@khou.com to get on the list.

To celebrate our second media whorey appearance on television, I would like to give away another signed copy of our book. THIS TIME it will be signed by all 3 of us here in Houston.

As most of you know, a few weeks ago I participated in the Mighty Mud Dash. (And  BTW, I did so with a Frankenpoop foot. In case you missed it, Frankenpoop Foot happened when I sat on the toilet too long and my leg fell asleep like a dead Frankenstein foot then I tried to stand up and rammed it into a doorjamb and severely injured it without feeling a damn thing, and then I fell down without any pants on. And all these weeks later, it is STILL swollen, just FYI.) Even though I was injured I did the race and had a blast doing it. Sure, my foot hated me, and my Dr. once again thinks I am a moron, but oh well. I like to live on the edge.

Toward the end of the run this photo was taken of me and Stephanie. We were looking all thinkery and stuff. Until we saw the photos at the after party, we had no idea that The Hub was in the frame. We especially had no idea that he was giving such an interesting and kinda suspiciously scary look. So for this contest I want you to caption this photo. Be funny, be clever, be creative. Make me laugh and you will win a triple signed copy of our book, I Just Want To Pee Alone. This contest will end Friday, May 3rd at 6 PM and a winner will be announce by Monday the 6th. The winner will have 48 hours after being alerted on this blog and via email that they are the winner. If I receive no response the prize will go to my second choice. If THAT person fails, the prize will go to the third. If THAT person fails I will give the prize to my lawn guy. At the end of your entry please make sure to include your email address or I cannot contact you. Thank you, and good luck!


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30 Responses to “I get the chance to look like an idiot on tv again. Thank you, Universe.”

  1. Kellie Matthews Said:

    The governor will be so happy when I bring these 2 back to Woodbury, although I think the one in the middle would rather go to the prison and Daryl.

  2. Kim VanVolkinburg Said:

    Think about it all you want, but I’m telling ya this is not ONLY mud!!!

  3. Mall Riot Said:

    “Dear sweet black baby jesus! What now ?” Thinks the Hub

    * Hmm wonder if mud would go with diamonds and unicorns theme on Drag Race this week. Yes perhaps * Patti and friend think diabolically !

    Love, Mall Riot

  4. Ilikebeerandbabies.com Said:

    This is the last time I let two women talk me into a threesome.

  5. Ilikebeerandbabies.com Said:

    That’s what she said.

  6. Eden Said:

    Hmmm, they told us there would be free beer before, during, and after the race. I feel cheated.

  7. gayle honnold Said:

    20 bucks to whoever gets me out of here, first!

  8. Julie Said:

    I wonder if anyone noticed I wasn’t peeing alone in this mud?
    Hubs: Um yeah, I totally saw what they did back there.

  9. Chris Ballinger Said:

    Hub just asked where the weirdest place on your body you got mud on.

  10. Amy Sanders Said:

    Hub: “When my wife said, “Let’s do something dirty”, this wasn’t what I had in mind”
    Patti: “So how long do you think it will take until he realizes that I duped him?”


  11. jojo Said:

    This DOES NOT smell mud.

  12. Esther Bench Said:

    Two in the think, one in the stink.

  13. Margie Almack Said:

    This is not the mud bath with two women I had in mind.

  14. Ashley Said:

    HUB: The other day I showered with BOTH of them. Looks like they’re going to get that lucky again!
    YOU: I’ve never had a muddy camel toe…
    STEPHANIE: That is one effed up looking bird.

  15. Amy Said:

    Don’t even think about it Norman Reedus, that hot frankenpoop chick is MINE, and because I’m a brilliant scientisty guy I’m taking the brunette too, just to be a dudebag!

  16. Cassie Said:

    It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again…

  17. Christina Said:

    WTH? How did they drag me into this and can I make it to the exit before they do. I don’t want people to know I am with them.

  18. CW Said:

    Did I forget to wipe?

  19. trixiedust Said:

    “So it wasn’t mud.”

  20. Kathy Coleman Said:

    Stephanie: Are you thinking what I’m thinking that I think that you’re thinking I’m thinking because if you think that I think what I think I’m thinking then we’ve got a problem?

    Insane Mom: I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

    The Hubs: Restraining orders are just another way of saying I love you.

  21. julie Said:

    Hubs:Oh No not another plot to to steal those tiny donkeys…

    patti:I would really be rescuing them right ? if i spoiled them rotten and fed them marshmallow fluff and dressed them up like tiny little donkeycorns ..itz a good thing right?

    steph:ahhh a moment of silence

  22. Amanda Bombard Said:

    Camera Man: For this one, everyone pose all thinky.

    The hub: huh?

    Patti: yeah. Hes got nothin. Its like he doesn’t even KNOW ME.


  23. Lisa Lovelace Said:

    Patti: You think people will wonder what happened to my other sock?
    Stephanie: What do you mean? What other sock?
    Pattie: See?? I have this brace on my Frankenpoop Foot & it looks like a sock. So it looks like I’m only wearing one sock. So…people will naturally assume that I’ve stuffed the other one in my running shorts to (A) keep people from staring at my camel toe or (B) serve as a cotton murkin to keep my future mud murkin from seeping into my lady business later today. Because, face it, getting mud in your in-between is just “ewwww”, you guys.
    The Hub: Sweet Baby Jeebus…do I have to listen to this all day? Where’s the first beer station?


  24. Stacey Fussell Said:

    “For $200 in the category of “What I did for Love”, the Jepordy answer is – “Hub wound up face-planted in the mud.”

  25. Christina Said:

    Im sure they want me in the picture…yeah totally. Im SURE they would have asked me to be in the picture if they werent so busy pretending to think but not actually thinking at all. Or maybe they are both thinking….maybe they are having siamese thoughts………..scary.

  26. Terry Stewart Said:

    Dang uppity women won’t even do the laundry!

  27. Cindy Said:

    Hub: What the effff?? No, no seriously WHAT THE EFFF!!?

  28. Angela Nesloney-Stehling Said:

    I totally forgot to leave my email address. Angelanesloney@yahoo.com…I should pay attention to ALL of the directions. *face palm*

  29. Jill Said:

    Mom Brains: Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

    Hub Brain: No, it’s Camo Man….duh. Can you see me now….?

  30. Jill Said:

    Oops, I have been out of town for a week and just got home late tonight….I saw May 6th and mistakenly thought I was in time…but, just re-read it, and realize I am probably too late…… 🙂

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