March 8, 2013

Facebook Friday! It’s a 2 Week Wrap-Up because I totally didn’t do one last week.

Last Friday I didn’t do a weekly wrap-up because I joined in to help my friend Mary Tyler Mom do her blog blast to raise money for St. Baldricks. If you missed it, make sure you go back and read it HERE and donate a little money if you can. It’s for a great cause.

Anyways, today’s wrap-up is a two week version. 

Popular Facebook Posts:

I was getting new tires on my car and the dude told me that I was getting $75.00 back cuz they’re having a rebate sale, so I said “Woo hoo! Do I want to go to a strip club or get a cheap hooker? I have big Decisions to make!” And he said “You’re really gonna tear it up, huh?” And I said “Heck yeah! It’s free fun money!” You shoulda seen the looks on the faces of the people behind me in line. My friend Jeanette happened to be there getting a tire fixed and I think she was proud to be associated with me. Or possibly horrified. But I’m gonna go with proud.

If Bohemian Rhapsody comes on and you don’t drop everything to sing the heck out of it at the top of your lungs, I don’t think we can be friends.

In my status bar Facebook keeps asking me “What’s happening, Mom-Brain?” and it’s starting to annoy me. What is this? 1978? Where’s Re-run? Where’s Raj? Or maybe it’s a Sixteen Candles reference? If so, I wish FB would drop the Mom-Brain and just call me Hot Stuff. You’re smothering me, FB. It’s like an annoying, overbearing boyfriend I had in high school who was always staring at me and saying “Whatchu thinkin’ about?” and then I’d say “How I could kill someone and make it look like an accident” or “I’m trying to start a fire with my mind.” Dear Facebook, What’s happening is that I am on my 4th load of laundry, packing for a trip, trying to pre-make some meals for my family, write a blog, and I just picked my underwear outta my butt. What’s happening with you?

The Boy has decided to have a Flashback Monday and watch some Max and Ruby, so I have decided to bash the tv in with a sledgehammer. Or maybe I’ll just leave the room. I guess that seems like a calmer way to handle it. The only good thing about this situation is that The Boy has finally started analyzing the show. He just asked me where their parents were and said it was really lame that their Grandma lived down the street yet didn’t seem to give a crud that her 4 and 7 year old grandkids were living totally alone. My theory has always been that Ruby murdered their parents because she is a controlling beeotch and they were cramping her bossy style. They are buried underneath the sandbox in the backyard. I think Grandma, and everyone else in town, knows what happened and is afraid to do anything about it cuz Ruby will kill them next. I’m pretty sure I’m right about this.

So in carpool I was rockin’ out to some Gnarls Barkley and The Boy had the nerve to say the following:

The Boy: Oh my god, mom. Your voice is shredded. It’s like, really, really crappy.
Me: Duh, I have a cold.
The Boy: Oh wow. Wow. Wow. That’s like the most epic lie I’ve ever heard. 
Me: Lie? Why would I lie about having a cold? I have a cold! My voice sounds funny because my throat is sore.
The Boy: I hate to tell you this but your voice sounds like that all the time. You really didn’t know that? You really think it’s because of a cold? Wow, mom. That’s just so sad.

Then he tsked me. He totally tsked me

I woke up feeling amazing. My new bed makes me sleep like little Baby Jeebus swaddled in a blanket woven from the hair of magical unicorns in a bassinet full of angel feathers and myrrh. 

Then I woke up The Boy. 

The Boy has turned it up to eleven, and is now lying on the couch where he keeps pulling his legs up over his head and farting, asking me a crap load of “Would you rather’s?” and just in case that wasn’t enough to make me wanna vomit, he’s watching Max and Ruby again. Grandma keeps laughing for no reason.cI think she is high in this one. If I was that bitchy bunny’s grandma I know I would be. Now I think we know what she grows in her garden.

Any just one more FYI: The Boy just said to me, and I quote, “Mom, why do you look so much older in the mornings?

Other Nonsense:

-My friend over at a blog called Kelley’s Break Room does a fun little segment on her Facebook Fan Page called “What’s in her bag?” and she invited me to dump my purse ans hare the contents with her readers. Don’t be frightened.

-I was in New Orleans last weekend with my friend Stephanie, and we had a blast. I had some good Facebook posts during that trip, but I didn’t include them in this wrap-up because if I can get my head outta my ass I’ll be writing a full blog post about those shenanigans next week. 
Contest Alert:
In honor of you guys being so awesome, I am giving away an item from my purse. It’s the Zombie in a Bottle. They are made by Sparkly Pony and sold on Etsy. She has been kind enough to donate the one that I have in my purse, as well as 2 more to give to my readers. All you have to do to enter is comment on this post and include your email so that I can contact you to get your mailing address. 2 winners will be chosen at random by using the random number generator. I moderate comments so they won’t publish right away. Please only comment once. (Here is a link to Sparkly Pony’s FB Page)

Contest ends Sunday the 10th at midnight. Winner will be announced Monday the 11th.

Good Luck!
And last but not least, the book that I am in is now available. Here is the cover:

It is already #9 on Amazon’s Parenting and Family books list and we haven’t even advertised it yet, so we are all pretty proud. To order it go up to the tabs under my blog header and click “Buy This Book!” or look at the right sidebar and click on the picture of the book cover. If you like the book after reading it, we would LOVE it if you would take the time to give us an Amazon review. If you hate it, just shut yo mouth. Deal? (If you are on a mobile device and can’t see my sidebar OR header, click HERE to go to Amazon to purchase on Kindle or in Paperback)
Here are links to just a few of the lovely bloggers that are also featured in the book. Check them out!

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117 Responses to “Facebook Friday! It’s a 2 Week Wrap-Up because I totally didn’t do one last week.”

  1. chaka Said:

    Y0 Patti! Gosh I hate to get all sentimental and shit so I won’t but girl I love me some Insane in the Mom brain. And how you bloggers work to help out good causes. Oh, and i need that Zombie in a Bottle!

  2. GinaR316 Said:

    Oh Em Gee!! I would like a Zombie in a bottle, please!!

  3. chaka Said:

    Oh and the email address is green.charlene@ GMAIL.COM

  4. Anonymous Said:

    I love the Walking Dead, but am so sad when I dont have a Zombie in my day, the Zombie in a bottle would brighten all my days 🙂 lol by the way when you say my email it works better if you adjust yourself in the macho youthful way!

  5. felicia lawrence Said:

    pssst. I already bought on Kindle

  6. Anonymous Said:

    YOU are awesomely crazy and I love it!!!!!!

  7. Dina Gaddy Said:

    I really needs a zombie in a bottle…the other contents of my purse concur

  8. Jen Powers Said:

    Thanks for making me laugh every day..its better than crying. Right? Hoping to win the awesome Zombie in a bottle. I hear they’re much easier to contain that way. 🙂 UKCHIC@AOL.COM

  9. Anonymous Said:

    Please pick me!! I need a zombie in a bottle to ward off the other zombies in bottles!!

  10. Anonymous Said:

    Love it. Absolutely loved your profile on the Amazon site for the book. I need me a zombie!!

  11. Marybeth Said:

    OOOOOO….a zombie in a bottle would AWESOME!!!!!

  12. Stephanie Redlin Said:

    I am loving the fact that you carry Nibblers in your purse. And now wondering how many people are googling nibblers?

  13. Anonymous Said:

    Make the necessary alterations at home that will insure you have a comfortable place to hide out. This was my horoscope today in our local paper…on an up note I will be having a 4 star day! Still think I might need the zombie in a bottle ;).….

  14. Marybeth Said:

    Who doesn’t want a zombie in a bottle?!

  15. Jocelyn O'Gara Said:

    Lol your rants totally make my day!

  16. Anonymous Said:

    Bought the book last night 🙂

  17. Anonymous Said:

    I love it when you pop up on my news feed. Most pages, I “like” them once, and then unfollow, so I don’t have to keep seeing superfluous crap. You are totally not superfluous crap. You’re welcome.

  18. Kristina needs a zombie Said:

    I need a zombie in a bottle..

  19. Anonymous Said:

    Zombie In A Bottle would go PERFECTLY with my Zombie 3 Day Survival Kit!! 🙂

  20. Jocelyn O'Gara Said:

    Your rants & funny nonsense make my day!

  21. Anonymous Said:

    i <3 you, Patti!

  22. Stephanie Redlin Said:

    I am loving the fact that you carry nibblers around in your purse! They are an entertaining lip balm aren’t they? And if the off chance it is my lucky day, maybe a bottled zombie would come in handy some day.

  23. Jolaine92025 Said:

    Hey Mom-Brain! I would totally be able to use that Zombie-in-a-Bottle! Pick me, Pick me!!!

  24. Breanna♡♥ Said:

    I LOVE your blog. Your absolutely hilarious!!!! And who doesn’t need a Zombie in a bottle.

  25. Anonymous Said:

    I agree who does need a zombie in a bottle?Everyone I can think of could use one; however no one more so than I! 😉 Good Luck to you Breanna!

  26. 3kjewel Said:

    a zombie in a bottle is almost as awesome as unicorn poop … I need one!

  27. Unknown Said:…. loved the bohemian rhapsody status… I feel the same way and if I can sing and make afool out of myself… my day is great!

  28. katwj76 Said:

    I just adore your posts and blog. I have to be careful and swallow my coffee before I read a post by you or clean off my monitor if I don’t.

  29. Anonymous Said:

  30. Anonymous Said:


  31. Anonymous Said:

    You came to New Orleans, huh? What did ya think of our fair city. Oh yeah

  32. Anonymous Said:

    Shoot I put the wrong email it’s

  33. jonnigirl02 Said:

    you make my day better every day. And I LOVE your Max and Ruby analysis!

  34. The Dark Side is Out of Cookies Said:

    Zombie in a bottle would be bad ASS!!!

  35. Anonymous Said:

  36. The Dark Side is Out of Cookies Said:

    Zombie in a bottle would be BAd ASS!!!!

  37. Alissapapissa TheDiscoqueen Said:

    Zombie in a Bottle! (sung to melody of “Message in a Bottle”)

  38. katwj76 Said:

    My email is I forgot to include it in my post.

  39. Anonymous Said:

    I know when my day seems crazy I have your blog to look forward to to make me laugh!!! Jenx19777@yahoo

  40. Anonymous Said:

    Here goes, *fingers still crossed*

    greatful for the contest, regaurdless of whether I win or not 🙂

  41. Diana Harris Said:

    Love it!

  42. Diana Harris Said:

    Zombie in a mason jar would be cool!

  43. Jules Said:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  44. Angela Said:

    Every time during this blog that I saw “Zombie in a bottle” it brought a song to my mind ( with different words to make it more fitting though!)

    “If you wanna be with me
    Baby there’s a price to pay
    I’m a Zombie in a bottle (In a bottle baby)
    You gotta bite me the right way”

  45. Ashley G. Said:

    I am totally buying your book. And I NEED a Zombie-in-a-Bottle so that my purse can be as amazing as yours.

  46. Anonymous Said:

    I love your blog and reading your fb posts, my glob you make me laugh!!

  47. Jules Said:

    I am so getting the book…and if you wanted to email me at just to say hi and prevent me from losing my shit because my two 4 year olds are trying to end me (your phrase just FITS TODAY…LOL) I would wear my unicorn shirt for 2 weeks. Well, maybe not because I was 9 when I got it and now that I’m 45 it would be obscene. Anyhoo, love your blog!! And I feel that Zombie in a Bottle would be best in a home with someone who watches The Walking Dead (haven’t watched one episode…YET!).

  48. Anonymous Said:

    Happy Friday!

  49. BlondieBloggers Said:

    My bff loves The Walking Dead, so she will totally get this if I win!

  50. Mis Mac Said:

    I so need to win this. I think it’s total kismet that I have the same icebreakers. Yep, totally taking that as a sign 😉

  51. Anonymous Said:

    I want a zombie!!!! Especially a bottled one!

  52. Lynn Said:

    Soooo…it’s a good thing I haven’t had to pour out the contents of my bag since I pulled a back muscle doing something completely innocent like believing doing a cartwheel was like riding a bike and my kid triple dog dared me…I totally couldn’t let him punk me out..I’m rollin’ with a pharmacy, hair spray, and duct tape in case I need to put someone in my trunk…

  53. meeko08 Said:

    Totally want one!

  54. jennifer ruisinger Said:

    You are truly one of a kind:)

  55. Anonymous Said:

    Zombie in a bottle is almost as awesome as you!!

  56. jennifer ruisinger Said:

    You are one of a kind:D

  57. Lynn Said:

    It’s a good thing I haven’t had to dump the contents of my purse lately…my kid thought it would be funny to triple dog dare me into to doing a cartwheel..I’m a little accident prone and he derives sick pleasure outta getting me to do stupid crap…needless to say I have a pharmacy of pills to aid in pain relief from pulling a muscle, hair spray, and duct tape in case I have to put someone in my trunk…

  58. Anonymous Said:

    Oh my just what I need a zombie in a bottle!!! Love your blog mom-brain!!!

  59. Anonymous Said: love you patti poo…

  60. Carolyn Said:

    Well, the contents of my bag are pretty freaking hilarious. Packed to the gills, mother of 3 boys. Full of shit. PICK ME!!!

  61. cd017808-883f-11e2-91b4-000bcdcb2996 Said:

    I need to start carrying a bigger purse so I can have strange things in it too. 🙂 <3 your blog!



  62. MatureCanadian Said:

    I love your blogs, they help keep me sane. Definitely need Zombie in a bottle, he sounds awesomesauce and go with my “Animal” sweatshirt! Have a Kobo reader and will see if I can download your book. Need, need, need to read the whole insane book. 🙂

  63. Anonymous Said:

    Awesome! I so want this.

  64. RBridwell Said:

    I need a bottled zombie (if only to startle the other little league and PTA moms).

  65. MatureCanadian Said:

    Oh elephant pharts, I forgot my email, because I definitely need a Zombie in a Bottle in case of the Zombie Apocalypse! It is and that would be in Canada, thank you very much. 🙂

  66. Anonymous Said:

    I always enjoy your Facebook posts and your Blog. Would love to win a Zombie in a bottle, but if I don.t win I will just pump up the volume on Bohemian Rhapsody, sing loudly and rock out blissfully. Actually, I think I’ll do that now, win or not. <3

  67. Nicole Shaw Said:

    Fabuloso! I’m *this* much closer to my life goal of beign famous enough to get close enough to smell Matt Damon. I aim high.

    Thanks for the shout!

  68. Lisa Wrench Said:

    Me me me! I never win anything so a zombie in a bottle would totally make my life complete! 🙂

  69. Ami Said:

    OK Hot Stuff…let’s get me a zombie in a bottle! Email is (creative right? :))

  70. Rachel Smith Said:

    haha i love you <3

  71. Rachel Smith Said:

    Oops forgot to put my e-mail:
    My original comment says i love you lol <3

  72. MomZom Said:

    :::Drooling::: Me want!! MommyZombieBrain@Yahoo.Com

  73. My Train Has Jumped The Track Said:

    I need me a zombie. Love your blog!

  74. The Ish Said:

    I don’t want a human zombie in a bottle because my zombie shark in a bottle kicks ass and would eat a human zombie in a bottle.

  75. Alicia Rice Said:

  76. Anonymous Said:

    Your facebook posts makes my day! everyday!

  77. Jenn Said:

    The rubber chicken that I keep in my purse could really use a friend.

  78. Jennifer Said:


  79. Robin Said:

    What I Would Do With a Zombie in a Bottle
    by Robin Taylor

    If I had a zombie in a bottle, I would name it Friedrich after my favorite character in The Sound of Music. Then, I would make a mini lederhosen for it and we’d go door to door singing The Lonely Goatherd together.

    The End

  80. Anonymous Said:

    Omg I need on of these!

  81. Dana Said:

    I wonder if the zombie in a bottle would help deter real zombies during the apocalypse.

  82. Anonymous Said:

    Sunday the 10th is my birthday. Just sayin’. 🙂

  83. Anonymous Said:

    I definately need that Zombie in a Bottle. My 3 year old (yes, I said 3 year old) LOVES zombies, so I figure it would be awesome to show her a zombie in a bottle! BTW you make my day EVERY DAY…especially when I’m having my morning constitutional! Sometimes I think ky family thinks I’ve lost it because I will be LOLing in the bathroom!

  84. ms.parker Said:

    Love it.

  85. TalishaFranklin Said:

    Oh awesomeballs! This totally lights my fire. Zombie in a freaking bottle. I can not wait to scare my kids with it! Even if I don’t win it, I’m buying one. Anything that makes people wonder about my sanity, makes my heart sing like a tiny choir of little baby aphids playing miniature harps in harmony.

  86. Anonymous Said:

    I Saw A Unicorn Online Yesterday & Her Name Was Stabby. I Have No Idea Why My Phone Is Capitalizing Each Word I Type- It’s Incredibly Annoying. I’m Pretty Sure That One Of Those Zombies In A Bottle Should Belong To Me, Please And Thank You. Krissymosqueda@Yahoo.Com

  87. LilUgly89 Said:

    I need a pet zombie in a bottle! I will name him Mr. Tiddlywinks and love him and pet him and hug him everyday through the bottle of course I don’t want to get bit.

  88. Anonymous Said:

    Your blogs are hilarious….

  89. Flamenco92627/ Julieta Said:

    I would love a zombie in a bottle. I haven’t gotten into the shows yet so maybe I could sit him next to me for support and guidance. Thanks for the chance to win!

  90. Anonymous Said:

    My co-workers and I are always cracking up about your blog. Thanks for the laughs! Oh the things I could do with a zombie in a bottle lol. dhavinfun@gmail com

  91. Anonymous Said:

    Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an really long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t show up. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that
    over again. Anyhow, just wanted to say fantastic blog!

    Have a look at my blog post

  92. Anonymous Said:

    i would die to win the zombie in a bottle!

  93. Anonymous Said:

    who doesn’t need a zombie in a bottle… 🙂

  94. Hippie Gypsy Said:

    What? Only 2 giveaway. This is like that ruse where people type in their password thinking **** will pop up. Just trying to get everyone to post their email huh? Well it worked! Happy now?! LOL

  95. rlaneew Said:

    I hear if you cover yourself in Zombie than the Zombies don’t smell you! So a Zombie in a bottle seems like a must have to me!

  96. naptime_blogger Said:

    I don’t think I am cool enough to win a zombie, but it never hurts to try 🙂 Or does it??????

  97. gayle honnold Said:

    Awesome blog, as usual…wow, your purse must be light, mine is about 25 lbs on a good day. I think I’d like the Zombie in a Bottle…me and the grandkids could teach it to kick ass, Cali style! Maybe in return it could clean out my purse for me? Wish I could afford the book, I’ll have to wait ’till I can borrow one. Gonna sing Bohemian Rhapsody …in your honor, full volume, acappella, all the way to the grocery store. Happy Sunday!

  98. corina sayers Said:

    i would pretend me and darryl dixon put that zombie in that bottle.

  99. Anonymous Said:

    I really need the zombie in a bottle. I think I might die without its awesomeness gracing me with its presence. Seriously. I might die. And you wouldn’t want that on your conscious, would you?

  100. Anonymous Said:

    Damn, now I’m singing
    I’ll send an S.O.S. to the world
    I’ll send an S.O.S. to the world
    I hope that someone gets my
    I hope that someone gets my
    Zombie in a Bottle..

  101. carrie coburn Said:

    Too cool!

  102. carrie coburn Said:

  103. Anonymous Said:

    Mom, I think I need Zombie in a Bottle. It would be a great compliment to the stun gun in my purse! I would be a double threat and I could start working towards my goal of ruling the world.

  104. Pass the Wine. Mommy's Out of Sedatives Said:

    I would love to win your zombie in a bottle. Then every night I could look at it and remind myself why Walking Dead has caused me to 1) buy a shot gun 2) ALWAYS check behind every door, curtain and closet when entering a room and 3) Never drink too much. Why? So I don’t pass out and get eaten in my sleep! DUH!!
    Thanks Insane Momma! I LOVE your blog and posts!

  105. Sara Said:

    You have the BEST purse contents, hands down. Does the boy always have his hands in there?

  106. Azalee de Landa Sanchez Said:

    I think we all know that “random number generator” means favoritism, so here goes: I will send you cookies. That’s not a come-on, but a literal statement of fact. Unless you want it to be a come-on. I’m willing to go the extra mile for favoritism. It’s part of my middle-child-mindset. <3 your work.

  107. Kirsten Dillard Said:

    You totally make my day – every day!!!

  108. shayshaywho Said:

    I NEED a zombie-in-a-bottle! I’m only as cool as what’s in my purse:) Love me some Patti and pimp you (and now your book) to everyone I know! Love laughter, so why not share? Laughing is my favorite. 🙂

  109. Anonymous Said:

    If I had as much cool stuff to put in a purse as you do, I’d definetly start carrying one!!
    Thanksgir all the laughs and giggles!

  110. Amanda Dearest Said:

    Been trying all the ding-dong day to post this comment! I need a zombie in a bottle!

  111. leesuhrenay Said:

    Thanks for making my day. And writing about ghosts and unicorns. And not spoiling Walking Dead since I can’t watch it while in transition moving…so sad…

  112. Alejandra Guerrero Said:

  113. MouthyBarberMom Said:

    I totally NEEDS me some bottled Zombie!! Imma make it into a necklace and wear it to important events like weddings & funerals & fancy dinners & the movies & shizz. PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!!

  114. Ericamos Said:

    I would carry that zombie in a bottle EVERYWHERE I went!

  115. Anonymous Said:

    My purse would love a zombie…hope he is tidy and can keep it organize!

  116. Anonymous Said:

    Unicorn Farts Lip Balm…makes your lips kissably soft and smell like glittery goodness!!

  117. bipolarbaby Said:

    Duh! I just emailed my comment to a friend! I love you! Your blog/FB page are awesome and help take away the crazy, and there’s PLENTY of crazy to go around here! Please give me book, me want! Denise Blount at (Brice and Caleb are the makers of most of the crazy!) 😉

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