August 16, 2012
I have 50,000 Facebook Readers. So I’m gonna give away some stuff. Why? Who knows. Maybe cuz I drank an energy drink today and things are ever so quickly going awry.
It’s celebration time!
I just hit 50,000 “fans” on my Facebook page.
And most of my Facebook people already know how I HATE calling them “fans” because it makes me feel like a mega-douche. Like I think I’m famous or something. Which I am so totally not. So I was calling them my “likers” since they had to officially click “like” on my Facebook page in order to see me in their newsfeed. But autocorrect just LOVES to be a practical joker a-hole and change “liker” to “licker” and that was causing a whole other mess of problems. It kinda makes your page take on a whole new meaning when you talk about having 50,000 lickers. And my page? So totally not that kind of page. Unicorns, tiny animals, cotton candy, fantasies about snuggling and fighting zombies with Norman Reedus? Yes. 50,000 people licking me? No. That’s just so totally not ok. I like to keep the amount of people who are allowed to lick me to a minimum. Perhaps around 49,324. Give or take a few.
So first of all I wanna thank all of you Facebook fans for sharing me and interacting on my page and sending me sweet email and just generally being so awesome and giving a poop about my stupid daily stories and rants and nonsense. I never thought having a Facebook page would be so much fun. I have met cool, hilarious people and I have enjoyed every minute of it. And although I have never been one to ask for pimps or care about my numbers, I admit that hitting 50,000 is pretty cool and definitely something I never expected to happen. It’s cool because for some reason 50,000 people are letting me entertain them and make them laugh and smile. How nice is that? But rest assured: Getting bigger numbers doesn’t make me feel like a hot shot or whatever. I’m soooo not that douchebag. I don’t crave big numbers. I like a small club. What I do crave is getting the email from you guys about how I have brightened your day and made you giggle. That’s it. Nothing else.
Ok, maybe Modelo. I DO crave Modelo.
Anyways…If there’s one thing I like, it’s dry humping. But if it’s another thing I like, it’s giving away awesome stuff. And making people compete for the awesome stuff. And then saying sike! And keeping all of the awesome stuff for myself.
That was a joke. I would never do that. Probably. Ok, maybe if I was having PMS and AMC just cancelled The Walking Dead and avocados went extinct and the Modelo factory burned down, or something like that. But probably not even then. Cuz I’m not an a-hole like that.
So now for the contest.
First, put your thinking caps on. Here’s mine:
|It totally makes me all thinkery and stuff.|
I am going to give away prizes to 2 people. And you guys have 2 ways to enter, so listen up.
1) Send me a photo of yourself surprise buttsecksing/humping something or someone. Kinda like this:
|Notice the look of determination on my face. Give it your all, people. Give it your all.|
2) Submit a drawing, painting, computer generated cartoon of me. Something quirky. Something cutesy. Something colorful. Something that fits in with the themes of my blog and Facebook page. Something I might wanna use on my blog or Facebook page. Be creative.
I will choose one winner from each category and you will both get a Patti Care Package which is really a quite fascinating package filled with what some might call useless wastes of money, but I call complete Xanadu-ic Nirvana.
Send entries to me at email@example.com
The last date I will accept them will be September 14th.
I will announce the winners on September 30th.
26 Responses to “I have 50,000 Facebook Readers. So I’m gonna give away some stuff. Why? Who knows. Maybe cuz I drank an energy drink today and things are ever so quickly going awry.”
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