April 16, 2012
Sometimes I’m too lazy and confused about the point of my blog posts to actually title them. This is one of those times.
While I was being all insomniac-ish in bed last night, I pretty much wrote two awesome blog posts in my head. They were good. Really good. One was so funny that I was having a hard time controlling my laughter, and I was worried that I would wake up The Hub. And then I thought for a second that it might not be such a bad idea if he woke up because then he could bask in my brilliance with me, because while basking in ones own brilliance is pretty fantastic, it’s much fantastic-er to bask in your brilliance while also basking in the awesomeness of someone else basking in your brilliance. That’s like double basking. And everyone knows that everything’s better when it’s doubled. Well, except maybe your body weight. Or a herpes outbreak. Or the length of a Celine Dion song.
So at one point during my lonely giggle-fest I almost nudged him awake but then I realized that not only does he not usually find the things that I find funny to be nearly as funny as I do, but he also had to get up for work at 4:30 am and would most likely not be super excited to be awakened at 1:00 am unless I was planning on giving him the goods. Which I wasn’t, because (a) My brain was wide awake, but my body was super tired, (b) I was in mega giggle mode, and in my experience, sexy time doesn’t work out really great when only one of the participants in in mega giggle mode, because the non-giggle-modey participant will most likely think that the giggly one is giggling at them, and people (i.e. men) are kinda sensitive about people (i.e. women) giggling when they are naked and trying to do the sexy things, and (c) Although there originally was a “c”, I have now forgotten it due to the fact that I was really caught up in “b” which got me thinking about the first time I touched a boy’s Willy Wonka and how I got the giggles and although he seemed to find it adorable at first, he started to get a bit self-conscious about it after a few minutes. Which kinda made me giggle more. And let’s get real here folks…those things are pretty ridiculous, especially when you’re faced with one for the first time. How anyone can keep their composure during a time like that is way beyond my understanding.
FYI I just made up that whole “Willy Wonka” thing, although surely someone has used it somewhere before. And if there is not a porn film called “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” my faith in the creativity of the porn industry is going to be shattered. SHATTERED. As a matter of fact, I’m going to google that stuff right now. Hold on…
“Willy Wanker and the Fudge Packing Factory.” It exists. Thank you, Universe. Because seriously…I was thisclose to going into the porn industry just to write, produce, and direct that awesomefest. So the fact that it’s been done already has really saved me from being ostracised from my family for being a porn whore. It’s not like I was gonna star in it or anything. I was just gonna make it. I woulda hired actors to actually be in it. Who knows? I might have even been able to get Johnny Depp to star in it. He IS very experimental these days, what with the whole sticking his Willy Wonka in one of the Olsen twins situation. I don’t know which twin, but does it really matter?
He’s obviously on a downward spiral of bad decision making and shameful behavior.
And now I’m sad. Cuz that man is a hot piece of action and he’s either banging the really grossly skinny Olsen or the really really really grossly skinny Olsen. And now I’m flashing back to when I first heard that news, which was approximately one week after I planned “Occupy Johnny Depp” (click there) on Facebook and made a whole Pinterest board about it where my fans could help me gather all the items we needed for a successful occupation of him and his pants. And then I heard the news and that all came to a screeching halt. Screeching. Halt.
And I assume this comes as no surprise to you, but I have totally gone off topic with this post. Basically it was supposed to be a post about how I wrote two amazingly awesome blog posts in my head but then stuff happened and I forgot them both by the time that I woke up from my much too short slumber of approximately 4 hours. And I was distraught over the whole forgetting thing. But now I’m ok. Mainly because I accidentally discovered that there exists in this world, such a thing as Willy Wonka porn. Any day I make a discovery like that, is a good day.
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