July 1, 2011

I’m Not Very Mature. I Blame My Dad. But You Guys Should Probably Thank Him. Cuz If It Wasn’t For His Weirdness, This Whole Blog Would Probably Be More About Bibles And Housekeeping Than Kicking Hobo Ass, PMS, And Doing Stupid Stuff.

Yes, I know. I’m supposed to be telling you guys about my trip to Hawaii. And I will next week. I totally super-duper pinkie swear. And if there’s one thing that all my bitches know, it’s that I never go back on a pinkie swear. Unless I was drunk when I made the pinkie swear. Or if the pinkie in question had a band-aid on it. Every idiot knows that a band-aid negates the pinkie swear. There are no morons here. Right? Cuz only really geniusy people read this blog. I’m pretty damn certain about that.

I got back to Houston Wednesday Morning around 5:30 am, and that day was totally wasted cuz I was what I’m sure would have been technically classified as 99.9% Zombie. Lucky for me, none of my really Zombie Apocalypse Savvy friends saw me that day, or I would be typing this to you guys from the afterlife, after having received some sort of death-inducing trauma to the brain. Which would have really sucked some big old balls.

And yesterday was really wasted being spacey and doing things that I really can’t remember. But thankfully I have some photos that are kinda jogging my memory:

This is why I didn’t have time to grocery shop or make a warm healthy meal for my family. And this is why today I have one leg bruise, two hip bruises, and what I’m almost positive are 2 bruised ribs, 1 squished diaphragm, 1 busted ovary, and 1 1/2 twisted fallopian tubes. I haven’t had this formally confirmed by an official Medical Doctor, but The Hub is technically a Doctor and he seems to think that what I’m saying makes total sense. Or else he’s doing that not-really-listening-to-me-but-nodding-like-he’s- totally paying-attention-yet-he’s-actually-watching-tv-thing. One of those.

So obviously my lack of sleep and my long plane flight triggered some kind of Plank-Mania wire in my brain. And some of my friends are sending me photos of things they’ve planked since I posted these pics on Facebook yesterday. And some of them are pretty damn funny. So now to totally waste time until next week when I can hopefully focus long enough to write about my vacation, I want you guys to get creative and plank some really stupid crap and email me the photos. I would like to have some entertainment on this long holiday weekend. And I will also probably end up posting some of my favorites on here sometime next week. I am a 39-year-old housewife and I think planking is funny. Do it for me. You know you want to. (email link at top of page)

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Email

5 Responses to “I’m Not Very Mature. I Blame My Dad. But You Guys Should Probably Thank Him. Cuz If It Wasn’t For His Weirdness, This Whole Blog Would Probably Be More About Bibles And Housekeeping Than Kicking Hobo Ass, PMS, And Doing Stupid Stuff.”

  1. pinwheelsandpoppies Said:

    That planking business looks difficult and painful at best. I think I’ll stick to planting. I prefer gardening to using my core muscles (or complete lack, therof) to support my entire body. Hell, I don’t even think I have any core muscles.
    I injured myself yesterday trying to do an itty-bitty slide on a Slip and Slide. Crushed my boob and almost knocked the wind outta myself.
    You put me to shame with your bad ass planking self.

  2. *dalyn Said:

    holy shit i just laughed my ass off. just found your blog. you make me feel better about a lot of the stuff that goes on in my house that i don’t remember but have photographic or email evidence of. why did they have to go and invent boxed wine? good read… *dalyn

  3. Francisca Said:

    Did you read about “owling”? You might have to switch sports! Look at this: http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/owling

    Francisca

  4. Me Said:

    How were you able to balance or even get on top of things like that?

  5. Maureen Said:

    The mailbox cracks me up…I am sorta scared of our malady at SBW.she get you for that ….do people driving by notice you in the dark on the fake metal horses?..crack me up..

Leave a Comment




Comments are moderated, if it doesn't show immediately, please wait. Thank you!

Don't have a Gravatar? (the small photo that shows up when you make a comment). Get one here, it's FREE: Sign up for a free Gravatar

 

Content security powered by Jaspreet Chahal