June 17, 2011

It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp

(I got lots of new readers this week, so if you’re totally lost and confused go to my archives and read the O’Mara posts. And for you old readers…Yes. You have to listen to it one more time.)

I’ve been really busy lately. You know, doing stuff. And doing other stuff. And trying to gather parts for my Time Burger. And doing pilates. And dealing with The Boy. And trying to avoid getting farted on. And trying to do homemakery stuff like laundry and grocery shopping and crap like that. And trying to keep my Facebook Boyfriend happy. And trying to keep The Hub happy. And trying to figure out how to make a giant tube like they use at the bank drive-thru that’s big enough to tube me into town so I don’t have to drive down our stupid-ass under-construction-from-hell highway. And trying to figure out how to get my hands on some Chinese Throwing Stars. And an army of finger monkeys. And trying to write lame-ass crap on here. And trying to Twitter like a boss.

I have important things to do, yo.

But nothing, oh nothing is as important as my Revolution. Do you hear that Mr. O’Mara? Yes, I was tired yesterday, but after your comment I am fired back up and ready to go! I drank 10 Red Bulls and watched some clips of you on YouTube and I’m back in top Revolutionary form!!

Mr. O’Mara needs more likes. And what Mr. O’Mara needs, this woman gets.

I’m kinda like a pimp and Jason is my ho. Except I don’t have any gold teeth. And I don’t beat him up.

So maybe it’s not like that at all.

Maybe it’s more like this: I’m doing you guys a favor here. I’m sharing him with you. And I hate sharing. But I’ve kept him to myself for years and I feel like I’m doing you a disservice if I don’t share him with you. And look at it this way: You’re getting in on the ground floor here. This fall when Terra Nova starts and everyone knows who he is, and his FB page is blowing up like a mofo, you can say that you were there first. And he’s oh so very nice. If you ask him a question on his FB page he will almost always answer you. Unless it’s totally stupid. Or rude. Then I will answer you. With a punch to the nads or ovaries. Whatever you have.

So maybe I am his pimp.

So those of you who haven’t yet done so, get on Facebook and “Like” his page and show him some Revolutionary Love. And if you STILL aren’t on Facebook, you’re super dorky and old-fashioned and you don’t know what you’re missing. Trust me. Facebook World is awesome. You can have boyfriends on there and your husband won’t even care cuz you can’t catch an STD in Facebook World. And you have control over who is in your Facebook World. Some jack-wagon that cheated on you with the class skank in the 9th grade? Friend request DENIED! Try that in real life. “Hey Patti, I wanna be your friend. Let’s go to lunch tomorrow.” DENIED! That would not go over well. But in Facebook World it’s totally acceptable. I once had someone un-friend me because I said something they found offensive. I know that’s hard to believe, but it’s true. Anyway, I sent another friend request and it was accepted. Then I said something offensive again and they un-friended me again. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. I just kept on doing it. And they kept on taking me back. See? Facebook is fun.

But back to my main point: Jason O’Mara is awesome. I’m totally convinced that he is the nicest actor in Hollywood. Tom Hanks can suck it. I mean, I loves me some Hanks, but until he starts shooting the shit with his fans on FB, he can suck my balls. So do yourselves a favor and go like my ho. I mean my Mr. O’Mara. And if you do, tell him I’m waiting for my Koala bear, will ya? My patience is running the hell out.


(Oh…and thank you Kory Carman for all my awesome photos. You rock!)

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2 Responses to “It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp”

  1. Anonymous Said:

    You are too funny Ms. Patti! Are you going to tell Jason that his new nickname is Ho’Mara???? lololol


  2. Patti Ford Said:

    Hey…I did not name him that!

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