May 9, 2011

Mother’s Day. Keep Your Flowers and Gimme A Dead Lizard. Any Day.

Last weekend we did a Mother’s Day/The Boy’s Birthday combo trip to Austin. We went on one of the bat cruises, during which a spider crawled all up on me because they now obviously have some sort of state-wide spider communication system with which to let every spider alive know that I am in the vicinity and it’s time to attack. So anyway, when it crawled onto my arm of course I  screamed “Holy Balls!” and totally embarrassed The Hub, but gave our tour guide a new phrase to use. Which he seemed to totally appreciate. And ok…I’m pretty sure he was stoned. But still.

And the next morning we went to eat this:

And in the interest of full disclosure, I must tell you that I not only ate a fourth of this donut, but also a kolache and a fried cinnamon roll. And I washed it down with chocolate milk and cappuccino.

But then I worked off/sweated off every calorie doing this and seeing what my future will be like when I finally get bitten by a radioactive spider and have my own awesome webbing system:

But after flying around and burning off those donut calories, I ruined it all by ingesting even more calories by having this:

Some women want fancy dinners and jewelry and crap like that for Mother’s Day.  I want Beer and fried pickles. Oh, and I also want this:

Which The Hub didn’t actually buy me. Choosing instead to ignore me while I talked about my deep and abiding love for it. Sure, it’s a really crappy example of taxidermy:  He looks like he got in a street fight and got a hand and a foot eaten off. And maybe some of his organs harvested for a black market lizard organ harvesting ring. Which is probably a huge thing somewhere. But I think that gives him character. And since The Hub didn’t dig the lizard, I woulda been totally happy with this too:

But once again, he kept walking when I stopped to fawn over it’s awesomeness.

And I DID want to ride in this:

But by the time the bat cruise was over it was too late. Which The Hub was not so secretly happy about. Like maybe it’s not manly or something? Whatever.

And I got this refrigerator magnet. Which is pretty amazing. Especially since The Hub is the one who found it:

Diamond earrings? No. The opportunity to hold a dead lizard and stick a totally inappropriate magnet on my fridge? Yes.

Best. Mother’s. Day. Ever.

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2 Responses to “Mother’s Day. Keep Your Flowers and Gimme A Dead Lizard. Any Day.”

  1. Laura Said:

    I want that lizard. I would dress it up for the holidays like those goose statues or the spider I have in the office.

  2. Patti Ford Said:

    Laura, FIrst of all thanks for posting. Too funny. And that lizard was not only amazing but special needs, what with the missing appendages and all. Steve is obviously not into helping the less-fortunate of the reptile population.

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