May 13, 2011

How Nerdy Is My Husband? There’s A Graph For That.

This weekend my sister’s boyfriend is borrowing our mini-van to go to Kansas City to pick up a bunch of my sister’s crap and move it to Houston. Oh yeah…my little sister is moving to Houston. The one who taped cat hair to her face. Yes, there be two of us. But she is younger, taller, smarter, prettier and talented-er.

Anyway, my sister said that her BF wanted to know what kinda highway mileage the van gets. And since after 21 years together I am still too stupid to predict The Hub’s extreme nerdiness, I asked him. I soon realized I just shoulda made something up. 298 MPG sounds pretty good. Why oh why didn’t I just pull a random number out of my ass? I. Never. Learn.

So I see The Hub tap tapping away on the computer and I ask “What are you doing?” and he says “I don’t wanna tell you.” So I assume he’s looking at midget porn or something. But no. He’s making these (and I woulda totally preferred the midget porn):

This, Ladies and gentlemen, is , and I quote: “A scatterplot of Sienna Mini-Van gas mileage for the past 3 years with a linear regression least squares fit. BTW the r squared value is very low but the trend is correct.” WTF???

And then there was this:

This is, and once again I quote, “A bar chart of Sienna Mini-Van gas mileage over the past 3 years , broken down by quarter to get a higher level view of the trends. For some reason it appears that gas mileage is getting better as the car gets older. Currently averaging about 21.5 mpg primarily highway driving.” Then Steve told me to ask my sister to ask her BF if he drives with one foot or two, and what his average highway speed is. Swear to God.

Now I’m just gonna pause here and give you guys a moment to feel sorry for me. The girl who once asked her husband (back in 1999 when we were still saving for our first house) if I could buy some jeans and he showed me a pie chart of our finances/living expenses and told me to look it over and see if I thought I should buy some new jeans. Take your time………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Done? Alright. This is what I deal with, people.

So I tell Steve that he is a dork. Which is way beyond true. And I suggest that while we are at it we get some  testing done on the BF’s bladder to see how many ounces it will hold, ask him how much he plans to drink on this trip, and come up with some algebraic equation to figure out the right amount of liquid he can drink vs. the amount of gas he will use so that he can plan his pee stops with gas tank filling points. And he looked at me like I was the nerdy one. But I could tell he was thinking about how to do this. Cuz he just can’t stop himself.

So today I made this pie chart to explain how I feel about this aspect of The Hub’s personality. This is my first and last ever pie chart. And it’s not actually a pie chart, insomuch as it is a super-amazing donut chart:

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4 Responses to “How Nerdy Is My Husband? There’s A Graph For That.”

  1. Dark Horse Designs Said:

    Hhahahhaha!! My boyfriend likes- I mean LOOOOOVES spreadsheets. I think its a turn on for him to look at one. My bf- porn? Nope. A PowerPoint demo with spreadsheets.

  2. pinwheelsandpoppies Said:

    I love me a hot geek. My man doesn’t do charts or graphs though. His passions are grammar and punctuation, amongst other equally nerdy things like Captain America and Firefly.
    You should feel lucky. In my experience, geeks, nerds and dorks are best at the sex.
    So, if your Hub is that good at charts, I can only imagine his skills when playing hide the weiner.

  3. DJ Said:

    OK – I think I have your husband beat. I’ve had 4 cars since 1987 and have tracked their gas mileage and maintenance cost on all 4 cars. My charts look amazingly similar. I also have the price of gas charted since 1987 as well.

  4. Daisy Said:

    I’m just stunned to find people actually make charts for stuff and live through explaining what they represent.

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