April 11, 2011

The Menstrual Cup. They Say Your Vagina Will Thank You, But I Think Mine Would Tell Me To F-Off.

So…a lot of you ladies (and a few nosey guys) have been asking me about the Menstrual Cup. You remember, that amazingly awful period funnel that I blogged about last week. In my blog I failed to go into the details of how this is used. I read all about it, of course, cuz I am nothing if not very researchy. I read all the testimonials, all the instructions, etc… But I didn’t tell you guys all that because The Hub is always saying how I don’t have “a line” so I sometimes try to have one, just so I can say that he’s wrong. But I got a million emails asking me for more info and now I have to explain it to you guys anyways. So The Hub is just gonna have to face the facts: The people want to know stuff. The people don’t want me to have a line. The people want bluntness. Even if it’s totally disgusting. And the people obviously don’t know how to use google.

So I found this video on You Tube for you to watch. It will explain a lot, but it will also totally creep you out. And if it doesn’t, then I think you probably have problems.

(By the way, and totally unrelated to this…Earlier today I went through the drive-through at Walgreens to try and order a salad. Cuz I thought it was Chick-Fil-A. And a few minutes ago, after leaning down to high-five my cat because I was proud of the stuff I just did around the house that involved tools and danger and stuff, I totally bumped my head on the corner of a shelf. And now it’s bleeding. And it hurts like balls. So if you don’t hear from me within a few days, assume I’m dead or in a coma and please send help. Yet more reasons why I should not be allowed to do anything alone. Really.)

Now here’s the video. Grab a beer and a big bowl of popcorn and enjoy!

And here’s yet another disturbing video. All I can say is what the hell kind of park are they at? My life would be complete if I were taking an afternoon stroll and saw a puppet show like this going down by the lakeside. What a lovely and informative way to spend an afternoon. Plus, tell me if that Vagina doesn’t look like a pink Punjab with red hammer pants and maybe a championship wrestling belt. And if any of you know where I can get a vagina puppet, please email me ASAP.

Now have a margarita and try to forget you ever saw these.

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17 Responses to “The Menstrual Cup. They Say Your Vagina Will Thank You, But I Think Mine Would Tell Me To F-Off.”

  1. beccaj Said:

    i am now frightened of legos and puppets.and dont forget the lube.lol

  2. Jenny Ruchhoeft Said:

    Oh my, Patti. Those were really disturbing. Um, let’s see #1 video, “Who knew my vagina could go green?!?”. Yeah, not interested. And WTF with the tennis outfits and happy arms at the end? I think a public bathroom would look like a crime scene after some earthy woman attempts this. Yuck!
    #2 video: Really? At a park? With a vagina puppet (which had something white in it…what in the helll was that?)? And the woman on the left with the bandaged hand probably cut her hand trying to install the darned thing, eh?

    Margaritas indeed!

  3. Patti Ford Said:

    And Jenny…Maybe Tennis outfits cuz tennis chicks do this. Maybe your whole team is doing it and you don’t know. And also…I’m thinking that maybe a menstrual cup accident is what happened in the bathroom at the farmers market.

  4. Patti Ford Said:

    And the puppet vagina looks like Punjab. From Annie. If he were pink. Or perhaps a shepherd. Or a snake charmer. It def looks like some little person with a head wrap on, holding a red pillow or wearing red hammer pants or something.

  5. learn oil painting Said:

    I liked your videos!….Daniel

  6. Kim Janoff Said:

    Video #2 is truly disturbing . . . I may need many margaritas and/or boxes o’wine to erase the memory!

  7. Anonymous Said:

    Okay…well…this blog is just the most hilarious things I’ve read in weeks!
    keep it coming! :oD

  8. Patti Ford Said:

    Thank you, Anonymous!

  9. Anonymous Said:

    Haha. Those videos are hilarious.
    I have a menstrual cup & I love it. I don’t see how a menstrual cup is any more disgusting than a tampon or pad. This might be tmi, but tampons dry me out like crazy; they’re painful to remove. Not to mention all the leakage I get. With pads you might as well be wearing a diaper, sitting there in a pool of your own blood all day. Yuck. I’d rather have a little cup inside me that I can easily dump out, rinse & reuse. But maybe that’s just me.

  10. Patti Ford Said:

    I’m sure glad you posted under”Anonymous”!!

  11. Michele Matoushek-Propes Said:

    I love how the menstrual cup’s voice in the second video was a man’s. What tricks those men won’t do to get into our vagina’s! LOL

  12. ginger magoo Said:

    “I sometimes even look forward to my period” That just made me want to track down the man who created this video and hurt him. Bad.

  13. Anonymous Said:

    I laughed so hard my cup almost flew out 😀

  14. miriam Said:

    My period has never made me dry heave until I wore a cup.

  15. Anonymous Said:

    Laughed until I cried. I suggest s margarita or two prior to watching the videos.

  16. Anonymous Said:

    I know it’s probably weird that I noticed this, but are they do cheap that they didnt take to tag off the tampon puppet. No wonder that freakish Punjab vagina said ouch.

  17. Anonymous Said:

    The weird talking Lego looking things in the first video sound just like my Kindle when it reads to me. Great, now my Kindle person has a vagina and looks forward to her period & her gross menstral cup. Kindle person,I will never think of you in the same way again… EVER!!

    Karen

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