March 18, 2011

Spring Break. Why MTV Cameras Don’t Film Mine Is Beyond Me.

Once again, I lied to all of you. I cannot be trusted. When are you gonna learn?

I said I was gonna write more about Mexico this week, but that’s gonna have to wait until next week. And I’m probably gonna have to make it all up because at this point I really don’t remember much. And you know what the interesting thing about me is? When I make stuff up it’s not nearly as good as the real stuff. I’m the kind of person who doesn’t really need to make stuff up because weird crap just happens in my vicinity. Sometimes I am involved and sometimes I am not. But it happens.

Anyway….this week was Spring Break week for us. And because my child is gifted and not at all clumsy, just like me, he went and Spring Broke his arm. But at least he broke it by falling out of a tree this time, and not from falling off a couch, like he did last time. Falling out of a tree is much more manly than falling 12 inches. And this time he got a waterproof cast. Which is totally rocking my world. When you have a regular old cast on a 4th grade boy, I assume things get pretty dirty and stinky pretty damn fast. I shudder to think about it.  So 2 days after the ER visit, we went to my Carpal Tunnel/Bone Spur Shoulder F@cktastrophe Doctor (more on that another time) and he walked in the room and saw Ethan, then me, and was like, WTF? So I told him I like coming in to see him so much that I am now just breaking the bones of my family members so I can see him more often. He laughed, yet looked slightly frightened. And there was a poster on the wall of a hip and Ethan asked if he had a bomb in his hip  like the person on the poster does:

Totally looks like a hip bomb. And I probably have one. Cuz that’s just how effed up I am.

And since we got the world rockin’ waterproof cast, we got to go to 6 Flags and he got to get drenched on all the water rides. And while I waited for the boys to ride things that I wasn’t into, I met lots of interesting people. Which is one of my favorite things to do at theme parks. Or anywhere, really. Once when the boys were in a line for over an hour, I got the life stories of about 5 people. One of the worst things that ever happened to me was when we went to Disneyland a few years ago when I had just lost my voice from that stupid a-hole Dr. who paralyzed my cord, and I saw hundreds of interesting people and couldn’t talk to any of them. I almost needed sedating.

This is Ethan, me, and TJ (the nephew) at 6 Flags. Still dry.

And we got home late last night. And I was tired. I am too old for theme parks. On the way out of the park I saw Tweety Bird and I didn’t even try to P-Hug him. Or her. I never could figure that situation out. If I see a person in a furry costume and I do not attempt a P-Hug, you know that things just aren’t right. (If you are a newbie and clueless about P-Hugs, you can either consider yourself lucky, or you can click here.)

And I’m super duper tired today. It’s 8 o’clock and I’m pretty much done for. But even though I was exhausted all day I still went to Pilates and Physical Therapy. And I really didn’t even whine too much. And I was still chatty. Cuz it takes a lot to kill my chattiness. And when I got home I even cleaned my closet. And believe me you guys….THAT is a chore. When I was done, Ethan gave me this snack because, and I quote, “You’ve been working so hard cleaning your closet that I thought you could use a nice snack for energy.”

How cute is that?
So basically, I’ve been busy this week. And most of the people I know are gone anyway. So I’d be writing about Mexico for nothing. And I know this is all totally boring, but it is what it is people. Some people go to Cancun and drink too much and sleep with strangers and maybe get on some Girls Gone Wild videos. Me? I go to 6 Flags and clean my closet. I’m wild like that.
Anyway, before I go I want to share photos of a few gifts I got this week:
Thank you Cathy AND Anne, who both got me these awesome mustaches. Now I have enough for two weeks of extreme sexiness. Plus, never again will I get confused and wear The Sherrif on a Monday cuz I now know Monday is for Heroes.
Thank you Jeanette, for these awesome chip clips. They are amazing. But they’re making me fat, because I now can’t stay away from the chips!

And recently my friend Shari gave me a mustache beer glass and a container of mustache bandages. Now I can fill my mustache glass with beer, get drunk, fall down, hurt myself, and bandage myself up with mustaches. My life is now complete. For reals. I’m so lucky to have such nice friends and readers who spend their hard earned money getting me weird stuff. And then there’s Melissa, who posted on my FB today that she saw some cool mustaches yesterday and thought of me. To which I replied “Thanks for buying them for me, you Jackwagon.” Buy me something or don’t buy me something. But don’t tell me about the awesome thing that you didn’t buy me. That’s such a Steve-goes-to-Australia-and-doesn’t-buy-me-the-whiz kinda move.

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