September 30, 2010
Sometimes When I’m Menstrual I Surf The Internet Looking For Stuff That Makes Me Feel Better About Myself
Yesterday I took my friend Anne out to a birthday lunch during which we discovered that we are on the same cycle. No, not bicycle or unicycle (although I would totally ride either of those things with her.) Menstrual cycle. I am pretty sure that this is absolute scientific proof that we are bestest friends. In case you don’t have vast amounts of knowledge about menstrual stuff, women who spend lots of time together get synchronized. What this means is that we are like twins, insofar that our bad moods, bloating, break-outs, sensitivity to Hallmark commercials, cramps, and cravings for junk food and Advil PM are exactly the same. I am not sure of the exact reason that nature does this, but if I had to guess I would say that it’s because when we are at our worst (looks-wise and mood-wise) the last thing we need in our orbit is a friend who is perky and pretty. Nature is smart enough to know that if that were the case there would be so many more PMS-related murders going down at any given time. It’s probably all about Evolution. I betcha that in the olden days, especially before there was Midol, Clearasil, Reeses Peanut Butter Cups and Tampax, there were probably tons of girls offing their friends because one was bloated and pimply (murderer) and the other was thin and beautiful (murderee). It makes complete sense.
On the bright side, since all I’ve been doing is laying around feeling sorry for myself, I have had plenty of free time to cruise the internet and find things that disturb and confuse me. Enjoy!
This is a photo of a Blob Fish. I don’t know what to say other than it looks like WC Fields after a long night of drinking and making out with prostitutes who squirted lube all over his head. It has no muscles and is completely gelatinous. It is a lazy asshole who just floats stationary and waits for food to pretty much swim into its mouth. Actually, this is kinda what I feel like I look like this week, but at least I baked my own cookies and didn’t just sit on the couch waiting for someone to shove some into my mouth for me. Also, I have had no alcohol or lubey encounters with hookers (but it’s still early so I won’t entirely rule it out).
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