June 11, 2010

This Blog Is So Lame I’m Not Even Gonna Give It A Title

Is summer almost over? What? It’s only been one week? One? Are you sure it hasn’t at least been eight? It hasn’t even been eight days? Really? As in 8 24 hour increments of time? Wow. It definitely feels like it’s been alot longer than that. I haven’t written anything on this blog since school ended. Partly because I’ve been so busy. Partly because I’ve had lots of drama in my life lately. Partly because when it gets this hot I can’t think straight. At all. If it’s only June 10th then it’s really not even hot yet, which means that my brain has alot more melting to do in the days and weeks ahead. This is not good news.

Since I haven’t written in over a week, I am sure that you can all guess that I forgot my password again. Yes, I am that stupid. No, I am not ashamed. I am what I am, just like Popeye but without the disproportionate muscle size and sailor suit, although I won’t rule out wearing the sailor suit if given the opportunity. Anyway, I think that I have just enough space in my brain for things like 80’s trivia, song lyrics, Paul Rudd data, and the names of beers and wines I like as well of those that I don’t (the don’t list is small). In high school I would always forget my locker combination after a long weekend. Always. So after the nice ladies in the office stopped finding it charming when I would come in to make them look it up, I started carrying all my books with me. In college I would forget room numbers for classes and sometimes not notice until halfway through a lecture that something felt a little…off. But don’t feel sorry for me. I memorized every single word of dialogue from “Sixteen Candles” as well as lyrics to hundreds of songs that you probably don’t even know exist. I could always find someone to tell me where Botany 101 was, but every single word from Laverne & Shirley’s “Duke of Squigman” episode? Never gonna happen. I was totally and completely on my own there, and I have my priorities, people.

That leads me to names. I am nothing if not terrible at remembering them. I have heard the tip about how you’re supposed to repeat the persons name after they tell it to you, but I don’t ever remember that tip until after they already told me their name and I already forgot it, so it doesn’t really work for me. Since I started writing this blog I have started meeting a lot more people which means that there are a lot more names that people expect me to know that I don’t. Don’t be offended. When you see me just re-introduce yourself like you would to a child. Syllable by syllable. Then tell me something extremely personal and/or embarrassing about yourself and I will never, ever, ever forget you again. My abilities are complex and varied. Basically,  I am like Rain Man but without the mathiness and mad driving skillz. If you drop a box of toothpicks I can’t tell you how many their were, but I can tell you who played Leather Tuscadero on Happy Days (Suzi Quatro).

Whether I remember my password for the remainder of the summer or not, it will still be hard for me to write. Usually I sit down at the computer with little to no idea what the heck I’m gonna write about, and I write it with lightning speed. I do this when I am home alone with no interruptions, because if I get even one interruption I am completely thrown off task and my mind goes blank. Like today. I am trying to write this while Ethan is home, shrieking, singing loud and asking me for things like water and food. I mean, we actually had a 5 minute conversation on the disastrous consequences that would ensue if his farts were fire instead of just gas. He’s all up in my grill and I can’t write anything worth reading when my grill is invaded like that. The only alone time I will get for the next three months will be on the toilet, so I’m back to pretending I have IBS again just so I can get a mommy moment. Unfortunately he has inherited boundary issues from me and the fact that I am sitting on the toilet seems to have no effect whatsoever on his need/ability to chat up a storm. So I will apologize right now for the sporadic crap that you will be reading this summer. Don’t get all judgy on me for the junk I will post. I will do my best with the miniscule amounts of free time I will never get.  And if all else fails I will just post the lyrics to a Corey Hart song or some quotes from “Fire with Fire”.  Two Lovers. One Chance. No Time.

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