January 20, 2010

Won’t You Take Me The Heck Out Of Funky Town

I am in the midst of a blah week. I am stuck in a funk, and I don’t mean the American musical style that originated in the mid to late 1960’s when African American musicians blended soul music, soul jazz and R&B …. I’m just kind’ve in a bitchy mood today, and it’s not even PMS. When I got up today I knew it was a running group day, which made me bitchy because that meant I could only have one cup of coffee, because if I have any more than that my old lady bladder will hurt the whole run, and damn, I really needed those extra 2 cups of coffee today.

When I got home from running, I rushed around to clean for the cleaning lady, take a shower and get ready to meet my friend for lunch. THEN she called and said she couldn’t make it due to the fact that her Aunt Flo is visiting and not only won’t leave, but is wreaking havoc around “the house”, if you know what I mean. So then I was bummed because I haven’t seen her since pre-Christmas and there is alot of crap to discuss, such as how much I hate running and how adorable Adam Lambert was on Oprah. So I was depressed and low-blood-sugared and I abandoned my usual lunch of raw veggies and hummus, and scarfed down an organic veggie burrito topped off with a pack of non-organic hostess cupcakes. Feeling bad about myself, yet energized in the way only refined sugar and carbs can accomplish, I left some money on the island for the cleaning lady, and headed out to run errands.

Now, it is a fact that I straighten my hair, and it is also a fact that a few months ago I ended up with bangs during some kind of freak hair-cutting accident, and I am trying to grow them out. It is yet another fact that Houston is especially humid, and today was one of the worst humidity days I’ve seen, which means that my hair looked like crap the minute I walked out the door, which made me even more moody, because what woman can really stay happy when faced with bangs that make her look like a child of the 30’s whose mommy pin curled her hair? Not this woman.

Even though I looked like I had a stupid Shirley Temple wig on my head, I went to Lowes because I needed some hardware stuff. I chose Lowes because I have a Lowes boyfriend. Well, he doesn’t know about our relationship, but I do and that’s all that matters. Anyway, even though I was looking like crap today, I knew he could help me find what I needed, and possibly cheer me up in the process. Well, not only was he off today, but the guy who was working was an idiot who knew nothing about hollow wall anchors, and had no British accent to boot. Stupid Lowes. So then I went to Wal-Mart, which rarely happens because, well, go to people of wal-mart dot com and you’ll see why. Anyway, I got what I needed there and even though my one coffee bladder was now ready to burst, I refused to use a restroom at Wal-Mart, as I have repeatedly refused since witnessing, a few years ago, “the incident in stall #3”. So I thought dry thoughts (sand, flour, the skin on my legs, etc…) and kept on truckin’.

Next I headed to World Market to get a particular wine, which they were out of. Nothing makes me angrier than being denied my favorite wine. Deeper and deeper I went into the funk. When I came out of World Market it was raining, which I didn’t even know was in the forecast, so I got rained on. Then I went to Academy to get more of the underwear that I like to run in (underneath pants, of course. I don’t run in only underwear), which made me get mad all over again at what Steve said last night. Get this: I told him I was going to get more of the aforementioned underwear and that I needed to go today because last time they only had a few smalls left. Then, my husband said “Don’t take this the wrong way, but, um, you wear a small?” The flashback of this made me leave Academy even more angry than when I went in, and of course I got rained on again. Then I went to Target, where I perked up a little because I got a cute cardigan for $4.00 and anyone who know me knows I love 5 things: Cardigans, Hoodies, A Bargain, Wine, and Paul Rudd. So I left Target with a little spring in my step, until I realized some douchebag’s cart was rammed into my car. Back to the funk.

Although I had more errands to run, I decided it was time to go home to my freshly cleaned house and have a little down time before Ethan got home from school. In the car, I put on some Arctic Monkey’s, which always cheers me up, then added in Regina Spektor’s “Folding Chair” for good measure, because nobody can hear that song and be grumpy. Then as I came down Sienna Parkway I checked to see, as I always do, if the miniature horse was out in the field, which he was. That combined with my good music helped me climb back out of the funk. Then when I got home, I expected to smell “clean house smell” since it was housekeeper day, but surprise! She was a no-show. So I was mad again, until she called to tell me she’d been in a fender bender, but was okay and would be here tomorrow. I was glad to hear that she was okay PLUS would be able to come tomorrow, and that news along with half a bag of Sour Skittles, and a bunch of new Facebook/Blog friends, got me back out of the funk. So I sat down to write this blog, toes tapping, singing out loud, happy even though my hair looks like Orphan Annie’s. Then Ethan comes home, whining and complaining before his backpack even hits the floor. And as I send him to his room amidst ear-piercing screams and hear the door slam, I realize I’m right back where I started.

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3 Responses to “Won’t You Take Me The Heck Out Of Funky Town”

  1. Karin Said:

    I really got a kick out of that! đŸ™‚ It reminded me of reading my Chelsea Handler book.

  2. Leslie Said:

    I want to know what kind of wine is worth you driving to World Market?

  3. Becky M Said:

    Hee..love it! I also look for that miniature horse each day. We moved here 12 years ago and she/he was still behind the same white fence. We named her Sweet Pea!

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