September 30, 2009

The One About Running

I was raised by runners. When I was young, I remember my parents being super-fit, going running, keeping diaries about their running, all that crap you only do when you are a prisoner to the endorphin high. Since my parents were runners, you are probably thinking that I am a runner as well. If that is what you’re thinking, you are way off base. I don’t believe in running. In fact, I am fundamentally opposed to it. It is against my religion. I am pretty sure it causes cataracts or diarrhea. The only time I condone running, is if something really badass is chasing you. Even then, I prefer the strategy of “playing dead” instead of running. If it works against big scary bears, I am sure it will work against a mugger.

I have always been anti-exercise. I could never see any purpose in getting up early and putting on special clothes, just to make myself sweaty and sore. I mean, seriously…why would you do that? Now that I am a 37 year-old mom, I am beginning to understand why. So you don’t turn into the stay-puff marshmallow mom.

Before I had my son, I was one of those girls who people wanted to feed. I am 5’10”, and I was about 125 lbs. I looked hungry. Strange thing about young age and metabolism though: I ate EVERYTHING, and then some. I just couldn’t gain weight. I watched my friends work their butts off to stay in shape, and I never understood it. Fast forward to mommy-hood, add 8 years, 20 pounds, and a lot more stress. Now I understand. If I don’t work-out I will outgrow not only my clothes, but also my house. Once I finally realized that this was my new reality, I got off my lazy butt and started to do something about it.

One thing I did was get a nutritionist. Her meal/snack plans have helped a lot. I tried my best to convince her that Peeps, Snickers Bars and Margaritas had high nutritional value, but she said I was an idiot, and I think she is probably right. I try to eat 3 meals and 3 healthy snacks every day. I also drink a mid-afternoon protein shake that I make in the most awesome infomercial item ever made: The Magic Bullet. On top of the eating thing, I also exercise. I still don’t love it, and I have never experienced that endorphin thing, but I do it anyway. I try to do things that are fun, so they don’t feel as much like exercise. I like to ride my bike, go for walks, hula-hoop, and do my Wii Fit. I also like to get on my treadmill. I don’t run, but I walk briskly at a 10 incline, which is like going up a hill. I do this while I watch the Today Show. Where In The World Is Matt Lauer? Well, I picture him at the top of my make-believe hill, holding strawberries and massage oils, and I climb my ass off (literally).

-Photo From US Weekly-

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